RE: how not to change a timing belt(NAC)

["Brian Shorey" <bshorey@domain.elided>]

> This is the funniest thing I've seen in ages!
> The damage was incredible. He didn't get much sympathy from most of the
> forum either!

My all time favorite engine destruction post was that of Paul Buckley.
Humorous and well written, I saved a copy and dug it up after reading this
Miata post (which was also quite funny, but not in the same league as Paul).

It also struck me what an old timer I am becoming - it was posted to the ICD
before there was an AD, way back in 1994, and I had been on the ICD for some
time even at that point.

But I digress.  I couldn't resist posting a copy for all 'newcomers' who
joined the group after July, 1994.

Enjoy!

bs



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Date: Mon, 18 Jul 1994 19:43:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: Paul Buckley <nikatave@domain.elided>
Subject: AR01911's last stand, etc.
To: Italian cars <italian-cars@domain.elided>

In a moment, today's installment of "Paul Does Something Destructive To
His Car In The Name Of Science."  But first, numbers for those who
requested them:

1982 GTV6 Balocco SE
VIN#: ZARAA6696C1004097
Engine#: AR01911*A51711*

Alas, a fool and his motor are soon parted. AR01911, known affectionately
as "$%*@&#!!!!!!", will soon be retired from duty in a PROFESSIONALLY
undertaken Enginectomy.  Either I am suffering the indifferent
consequence of a colossally unfortunate turn of the wrist, or I haven't
got the formulae right for converting Honda and Volkswagen wrenchmanship
experience into Alfa-Hours (divide by twenty and subtract 3 million?), or
she just broke, I dunno.  But what happened is this:

While attempting to tap out the oil return hole behind the timing belt
detensioner, I sent the tap straight through the case without even really
noticing.  That is, because of the difficult angle and reduced visibility
(read: rookie at the wheel), I thought I was waiting for the tap to bite,
when in fact it had already bitten, chewed, and swallowed, and was waiting
for a second course, in this case, the oil pump shaft, which, aided by my
stubborn pushing and twisting, it eventually gobbled up.  This, because I
was laboring under a basic misapprehension, seemed cause for celebration.
"At last," I celebrated, "the tap has bitten!"  whereupon I gleefully
tapped away, and it was not long before the tap was gleefully broken into
two gleeful pieces.

Had I known that the end of the tap remaining in the block was in fact
clamping the oil pump shaft in place, I probably would not have thought
of JB Welding it in there to seal the hole, which, if you remember, was
the point of tapping it out in the first place.  However, most of you
would probably not have been surprised at a message from me asking, "Can
anybody think of a reason not to skewer my oil pump shaft with a tap and
then
JB Weld it in place?" or "I've heard that it can be advantageous to have a
fixed, rather than a working, oil pump.  How can I permanently stop it
from operating?  JB Weld and a tap?"

Anyway, since the distributor drive gear hadn't budged from its timing
mark, it was not until everything was back together and I cranked the
engine that it became painfully obvious that something was amiss.  It
wasn't the very slow cranking that clued me in, really.  I would have to
say that it had more to do with the eventual ratchety slippage of the
timing belt on the crankshaft.

I am a stubborn and persistent man, but there are definitely times when a
car seems to stare at you in the face and say, "put the tools away now."

I obeyed, and spent the next day or two studying diagrams.  To make a
long story stop getting even longer, I slowly put 2 and 2 together, and,
by the way, got 4, which is nice because I often get 11 or Pi or
something, and realized what I had done.  After pulling the distributor
to inspect the damage--too graphic to reproduce here--I inspected some
other things, because I had the car on stands and I was in the mood to
inspect, encouraged by the promise that inspection rarely causes
irreversible damage.  I found that there was an inordinate amount of oil
scum coating the front third of the undercarriage, as will as evidence
that the previous owner had more than once skidded down the road on the
oil pan.  These discoveries, combined with 113k on the odometer and my
own successful contribution to the acceleration of the engine's journey
to failure, added up to one thing: professional replacement.

Thus, my submission of the engine number for your statistics is a
fitting, poetic bit of ceremony, as this particular combination of
chassis and engine number is about to be wiped out.

The moral of the story, as I now see it, is that if you're thinking of
getting a mechanical tensioner, and you are prone, as I am, to periodic
lapses of competence, you might as well buy a new car.

Anyway, I am in very good spirits about all this, and am delighted to
have an excuse for a "new" motor ('88 Milano 2.5, probably: can't quite
justify the cost of the 3).  I am hopeful that future installments from
me will include some reference to actually driving this car.

Thanks and take care of yourselves and your machinery,

Paul Buckley
Los Angeles

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