Driving in Atlanta (WOB)

[futchjo@xxxxxxxxxxxxx (John Futch)]

Here's a few tips for those of you who might be visiting Atlanta. Those of you
who live there can back this up.

BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN METRO ATLANTA

1-- A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how
many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you
sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze
their way back in before hitting construction barrels.

2-- Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road
battle so never use them.

3-- Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance
between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast
you're going.  If you do, the space will be filled in by
somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4-- Large SUV drivers think they're immortal, (especially if
they have 4WD); don't succumb to the temptation to test this
theory.

5-- The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the
chance you have of getting hit.

6-- Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body
work. (Remember no-fault insurance, he might not have much to
lose, you do.)

7-- Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
insure that your ABS kicks in giving a nice relaxing foot
massage as the brake pedal pulsates.

8-- Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately
after you pass the exit before the traffic begins to back up.

9-- The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not
there to provide useful information, just to make Atlanta look
high-tech.

10-- Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

11-- Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area
during rush hour.

12-- Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to
speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Atlanta driver
flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go
faster in your spot.

13-- Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut
during rush-hour traffic in Atlanta.

14-- Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident
or even a person changing a tire.  It might be more
interesting than the articles in last week's National Enquirer.

15-- Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the
landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely and
gives Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.

16-- Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,
(especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing
on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo).

17-- Learn to swerve abruptly.  Atlanta is the home of
high-speed slalom driving thanks to GDOT, which puts potholes
in key locations to  test drivers' reflexes and keep them on
their toes.

18-- It is traditional in Atlanta to honk your horn at cars
that don't move the instant the light changes.  This is a drag
race isn't it?

19-- When the light turns green, put the pedal to the metal;
gas is cheap in Atlanta, pollution is a myth, and this is a
drag race isn't it?

20-- Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right
of way.

21-- Never take a green light at face value.  Always look right
and left before proceeding.

22-- Remember that the goal of every Atlanta driver is to get
there first, by whatever means necessary.

This is also way having a BMW in Atlanta is so much fun!

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