Vacuum Problems

["Joseph M. Shaw, II" <MikeIIDC@domain.elided>]

Dear Digest:

When I start out that way I always think of the PENTHOUSE forum-In
college we used to write these fake notes supposedly to the PENTHOUSE
forum that always started out "Dear Forum."  We would then write some
obscene, tasteless recounting of some fictional exploit and sign a
friend's name to it and post it on a campus bulletin board.  Boy,
weren't we clever!  Anyway: 
	
	Dear Digest:
I never thought I would be writing you and never thought anything like
this would happen to me, but something happened to me last night that I
just have to tell you about.  After tinkering and fighting my beloved
over what I wanted her to do to make me happy and satisfy me, I finally
found a way to persuade her to do my bidding.
In the past I had sought out the advice of my friends, and some of them
had some good ideas, while others had some very kinky suggestions! 
These ranged from some procedures using hard rubber tubing, to the good
old reliable "rope" trick.  I must thank John Landry for his repeated
direction, as well as John Hofstetter and Tom Harais, who went so far as
to come to the house and actually try to help us out with his own bare
hands!  Still, when I would get her good and heated up, my baby would
hesitate, twitch, and let me down just when I thought we were going to
reach the serendipitous plateau that would assure us a life of bliss
together.  I begged and pleaded, prayed, and prodded.  Nothing would
cure our "problems."  We cooled things off for a while, thinking maybe
the time away would do us some good.  I didn't "drive" her at all for
months, leaving her alone and silent to decide for herself what she was
willing to do to keep our relationship mutually beneficial.  When we
started back up, things seemed good, but there was still something
occasionally missing (out).  
Just two days ago this problem had gotten to the point where I was so
concerned that I was going to let her go back out on the open market and
see if there wasn't someone else that knew how to fulfill her, as I
certainly had gotten in way over my head with this one.  Well, while
giving her a mild mannered check up, to make sure there wasn't some
physical flaw that I had overlooked, I heard this unbelievable sucking
sound, and found that, indeed, I had overlooked one very simple problem
that, from what I hear, can be the solution in a lot of these cases.  I
guess all men look past the simple things once in a while, leaving their
SO feeling unfulfilled and frustrated.  After changing all of her rubber
hoses and tubings, and sticking rope down in her cylinders.  After doing
extensive head work to my baby, it turned out that John Landry had been
right all along.  A few others had agreed with him originally, telling
me that she only wanted the vacuum situation straightened out.  But
John, that masterful therapist of the IH world had been the Dr. Spock to
my Scout's troubled inner child!
I had, in my haste to find a big grand way to make her happy, forgot the
little nub that I completely overlooked.  A hose or plug had fallen off
of the outlet-or inlet, I guess-valve on the brake booster.  Well, after
filling this in, she let out a sigh of relief, and immediately dropped
into a more relaxed and regular rhythm.  We went for a frolic, and what
a joy it has been!
No more misunderstandings.  When she gets good and warmed up now, she
simply screams with joy, as I sit there smiling feeling elated and
absolutely glowing from the ecstacy that I am feeling.  No more
hesitation from either of us in thinking of our future together, as we
fit like an insecure man in an oversized 4X4!  The joy and sweet music
we make together has others smiling as we drive by-we're quite the
exhibitionists now, going out and showing the whole world how well we
work together, and making them all jealous at our ecstacy and happiness!

					Happily,
						The Smiling IHdiot

Well, sorry, I'm out of school and have a bit too much time on my hands.
Any of you that have followed my travails with my Scout for a while know
more of the story, but ultimately, the thing is running better at this
moment than it has since I've had it-about a year-and-a-half, and I
truly think I finally found the root of the problem.  Of course, this
has only been one day, but I have driven it farther in the last day than
I had for weeks.  I don't know where this vacuum line is supposed to go,
but just plugging it seems to have done wonders, so for all of you who
have helped me with this problem, thanks!  
And to John Landry, who constantly said, "Check the vaccuum lines."  It
appears you were right.  The problem was, there was never any line on
this hole since I got it, so I assumed it was supposed to be that way. 
Yes, I know the old saying about "assume!"  Anyway, I'll keep you
posted.  And I'll quit trying to practice my creative fiction on the
digest!

Michael