beer

[jeff tarquinio <tarquinio_jeff@domain.elided>]

 Beer; A Brain Food?
 ======================
 A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo,
 and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
 that are killed first.  This natural selection is good for the
 herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
 whole improves by the regular culling of the weakest members.

 In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast
 as the slowest brain cells.  Excessive intake of alcohol, we
 all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the
 slowest and weakest brain cells first.

 In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker cells,
 making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

 The result of this in-depth epidemiological study verifies and
 validates
 the casual link between all-weekend parties and
 working performance.  It also explains why, after a few short
 years of leaving university and getting married, most workers
 cannot keep up with the performance of new graduates.  Only
 those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious
 alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels
 they achieved during their university years.

 This is a call to arms.  Our country risks losing its
 technological edge and we should not shudder in our homes and
 cubicles.
 Get back into the bars!  Quaff that pint!  Suck down
 that longneck!  Drain that glass!  Your company and country
 need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself
 the career that you could have!  Do it for your country and do
 it for yourself!