GK Challange/Newbe Knowledge

["Greg Koenig" <gregk@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Not to quote myself, but I once said something to the effect of "How do som=
e
of you people handle real life where there isn't a 'page down' button to
shield the bantering=B9s of other people from your virgin eyes."  Well, that
used to work, but I just received a digest that was not just peppered with
this Mark v. Mark pissing match, but almost completely filled with it.
Now, pardon me for jumping in on this whole thing, but isn't it sort of
amusing that we have Der Kompressor King (Mein Furrer, I kan instrrruct her=
r
Schumacher) and Mr. "I can get 5 more bhp out of your $40k car with only a
Connection with devices that blow hot air?

THE GREG KOENIG CHALLENGE!
We hook up both Mark and Mark to an identical E36 M3 (Duane?) and have them
huff, puff and BLOW into the S50US, whoever produces the highest amount of
hp will be declared the Official Digest All Natural Kompressor.  When all i=
s
said and done, Jim C can develop a chip that extracts the last few HP and
some more drive ability from these two impressive devices.  The looser will
be sold to Dinan to be copied and sold for 3x the price, provided we can
shave the BMW part number off there ass and powder coat them blue.

The GK Challenge Is Brought To you By:
NEWBE KNOWLEDGE!

Things EVERYONE on the "__insert favorite prefix__"gest should know:

1. Were happy that you decided to buy a 77 320i.  We are SURE it is the bes=
t
handling car you have ever driven. Yes, it's fun to drive.  Thank you.

2. No, your Car is NOT an E46

3. No, it cannot be chipped, but if it could, get a Jim C

4. Don't ask "Who is Jim C?" Trust us, he is the man.

5. If you have to ask what frequency the instrument cluster lights are or
the paintone codes for the M Colors, please get rid of the pocket protector
and pay a girl to kiss you. Again, trust us.

6. If your asking, no, your car does not need a rollbar.

7. Bon Ami, Zymol, Mobil 1, Crack... All the list gurus use these things.

8. Valentine 1 makes the best radar detector, but make sure you turn it on

9. If you kill your car at a BMW CCA driving school, chances are if you
didn't get the door to door salesman's insurance policy, it will be covered=
.
If your car is running in the Paris-Dakkar rally, your fucked.  If your BMW
is destroyed in incidental damage incurred by the discharge of a nuclear
weapon, you are also fucked... Live with it.

10. Ston Rygar is currently developing a modification to install Euro 747
Xenon, FreeForm, Halogen Landing Lights (with city lamps!!!) to your 2002,
though, sorry, it will not come with the 747 ABS.

11. Carbon Fiber looks silly on an '87 735i, that is why no one makes a kit
for it.

12. "Use an ERAM (or even mention it) GO TO JAIL!"
I forgot who said that, I am a liar who is trying to take the credit of
other people's work, shoot me. (Scott Miller said that, don't you feel
better now?)

13. The drop in K&N filters... the purple ones... lifetime/reusable/all
American... don't do shit.

14. DTM- It doesn't matter... if you don't know what this means, it doesn't
concern you.  Also, you shouldn't buy DTM tips until you actually know what
DTM means... Nice Catch-22, isn't it?

15. Don't use a Roundel if your selling something, the vampires at BMW NA
will sue your ass.

16. Will going from 5th to 1st doing 100mph hurt your E36 M3? Yes, is it
BMW's fault? No.

"God this post was condescending and rude, did you mean for it to sound lik=
e
that? It's so mean!"
Yes, I did, to exclude people like you without a sense of humor or flair fo=
r
the bitterly sarcastic.

Comprehend, Accept, Move On
Greg Koenig (As Seen <thanks again Carlos!> in the Roundel)
Part Time Artist
Part Time Exotic Dancer
Dinanstein Pilot
San Francisco Street Terror
<This Post has Been Spell Checked For Your Pleasure>
My Best Work Yet

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