Update on LANDSHARK HampsterCharger

[Duane Collie <drcollie@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

This just in from Josh @ Eurosport and Jim C.....

After working all night on this ongoing project, they have discovered
another + 22 HP by controlling hampstercharged intake levels in a precise
manner, to wit: 

A) They have cute little plastic oxygen masks developed for the critters.
By saving their very own Promenade Pizza (World's Greatest) farts in
specially designed charcoal cannisters, they can moderate a blast of
methane gas to the hampsters which increases the run time 68% over a 90
second period (you'd run too).  Boost knob is controlled by a special
switch under the ///M logo of a ROB KNOB a la' James Bond's 007 Aston
Martin.  For some reason, only genuine New Jersey Boardwalk pizza is
suitable for this task, perhaps because of the rumored high cardboard
content? It's flown in daily to Utah via Fed-Ex, where Jim & Josh eat it
every day for lunch and 'can' the end results for the project.

B) The hampster-hydration problem is solved. While water is satisfactory,
superior dyno results are being achieved by intravenously injecting ROLLING
ROCK brand beer into said varmits. To make this system easy to operate, it
has been tied into your windshield washer pump reservoir.  By simply
pulling your windshield washer stalk, you inject more beer into the
LANDSHARK hampstercharger and a noticeable kick can be felt soon
afterwards. However, too much toggling on the stalk has been shown to
decrease performance as the critters are prone to passing out when inebriated.

C) A Carbon-Fiber hampster wheel has been developed by Milos Klackos.  This
allows a higher spin rate than the K-Mart variety.  This will be available
shortly together with a CF droppings catch pan.

The Gerbil Beta Testing program has been shelved.  They were becoming
non-cooperative
to the methane pizza-gas procedure and were making repeated attempts to
contact animal rights activists.

Duane Collie
SVR/UUC/Bubba

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