Re: Secrets from the Underground Upgrade Club

[Jim Ochi <jochi@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Duane Collie <drcollie@domain.elided> wrote:
>
>Well now.....Shiny new wheels that look expensive are one of the most
>difficult UUC upgrades of all....but it can be done. This takes nerves of
>steel and a stealthy hand with the Quicken on the Home 'Puter, as a set of
>Fikses puts a big dent on the ole cash management account.
>

Actually, concealing your shiny new wheels has now become easier than ever!
 Introducing the ultimate in UUC technology - just send us your shiny new
Fikses, and by using state-of-the-art concealment techniques developed for
the military, our talented, highly trained technicians will make them look
just like a used set of stock BMW wheels.  Only you will know the
difference!  This is not a paint, or a wheel cover - using our own patented
processes, we will make your Fikse wheel 100% indistinguishable from a
well-used BMW Double-Spoke II wheel.  

Concealment of other high-performance parts is also available!  Send us
your noisy, high performance E36 M3 exhaust system, and we can make it look
and sound just like a used stock exhaust.  Your S.O. will never know the
difference.  Want to put on a set of new R1s, but you're worried that your
S.O. will catch you?  Send them to us, and we'll make them look just like a
set of worn out, corded Bridgestones.  Want to cheat at your next autocross
by running R tires in a street tire class?  Send them to us and we'll
cleverly disguise them as Big O 50,000 mile guaranteed treadware 300 street
tires!  No one will know, and no one can tell - in fact, not even a
durometer will be able to measure the difference!

We can also apply our process to cars!  Worried that someone will vandalize
your brand new M Roadster?  Send it to us, and we'll cleverly disguise it
as a rusty old 320.  Working somewhere that frowns upon "foreign yuppie
cars"?  Don't worry - we can also disguise it as an American car!  How
about a Ford or a Chrysler?  No problem!  No one will be able to tell - we
guarantee that not even an expert will be able to tell your car apart from
the real thing.  In fact, you will even be able to repair your car with the
same parts as the car it's disguised as.  No longer will you have to pay
inflated BMW prices!  For example, we disguised a 1998 BMW M3 as a '78 Ford
Mustang II.  When the owner blew the engine, instead of having to pay more
than $8000 for a replacement M3 engine,  we put in a 1978 4-cylinder Ford
engine, for a savings of over 7000 dollars!

Contact us today for the ultimate in UUC technology!

Fakeur Technologies
a division of RipOff, Inc.

Coming soon:  
In the next few months, our sister division, Poseur Technologies,  expects
to get their 200mph bug gun up and running.  Once that happens, they'll be
introducing their "Make it look like you took your car on the track"
service.  


Jim "Couldn't resist" Ochi
jochi@domain.elided

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