You guys ARE funny! (Alfa Content)

["Alex" <alfaromeodriver@xxxxxxx>]

Boy Richard...your job can sometimes be as tough as the job a UN Peacekeeper
does when he's trying to negotiate a cease-fire in the Congo!  Having said
that, thanks to all of you for your input on the drivers around the world.

I decided that maybe we need a lighter cut at driving techniques, so I
collected the following:

1.  I decided to stop worrying about my teenage son's driving and take
advantage of it. I got one of those bumper stickers that say, "How's my
driving?" and put a 900 number on it. At 50 cents a call, I've been making
$38 a week.
2.  Nobody tailgates me on I-285 since I put my "Tires by Firestone" sticker
on the bumper of my Ford Explorer!
3.  As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.
Please be careful!  "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of them!"
4.  What your car says about you (applies to Canada and USA only, Euro
version differs slightly):
Acura NSX - I am impotent
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Nissan 350Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Neon - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Clinton
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes
when I pull up behind them
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.
Modified Honda Civic - I got some credit!
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming
Lexus IS300 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending
Jaguar - I am so materialistic that I will pay $90K for a car that is in the
shop 280 days per year
Mazda Miata (MX5) - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie
Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet
Volkswagen Beetle (old style) - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagen Beetle (new style) - I am out of the closet
Volkswagen Microbus - I am tripping right now...I brake for hallucinations!

...any Alfa Romeo - I appreciate fine, fast Italian cars...I just can't
afford them! :-)

Cheers,
Alfalex Csank
Norfolk, VA
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