Re: New Los Angeles drivers laws

[Jerry Ecklund <jre2100@domain.elided>]

I love this exam, it's great!

After all is said and done though I still think L.A.
has the best and most considerate drivers in the
country.  People in L.A. move quickly whenever
possible and they don't panic around curves.  Unlike
the eastern U.S. nobody pokes along at 58 mph on the
freeway.  They rarely sit in the left lane when
there's someone wanting to pass and unlike
metropolitan New York and Boston they never turn left
out of the right lane and vice versa.  I may catch
hell from this response but it should be interesting.

Jerry, San Francisco
'91 164S
'93 BMW 525I
'81 Fiat Brava
'76 Lancia Beta

Date: Mon, 11 Mar 2002 17:51:02 EST
From: Fltrplntman@domain.elided
Subject: New Los Angeles drivers laws

NEW LA Drivers Exam 
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to
live in California, 
here 
is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for
those of you who do, 
study 
real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving
conditions (and culture) 
are 
unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that
the California 
Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special
application and 
driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan
Area.
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name:___________________ Stage name:
____________________ 
Agent:___________________
Attorney:_______________________ 
Therapist name:_________________ 
Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly
female ____both 
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______ 
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to
safely operate a 
motor 
vehicle in any way? 
Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: ________. 
*If you don't own a cell phone, please
explain:________________________ 

Please check hair color: 
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde 
Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ]
Blue [ ] 
Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that 
apply) 
[ ] Eating 
[ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee 
[ ] Applying make-up 
[ ] Shaving (male or female) 
[ ] Talking on the phone 
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat 
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs 
[ ] Tanning 
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your
convenience) 
[ ] Watching TV 
[ ] Reading Variety 
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop 
[ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading

Please indicate how many times 
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____ 
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while
driving _____

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should
immediately: 
a) Call the police to report the crime. 
b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch
your car on the 
news 
in a high-speed chase. 
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against
cellular phone 
company for 
911 call not going through. 
d) Call your therapist.

In the event of an earthquake, you should : 
a) stop your car 
b) keep driving and hope for the best. 
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved
ones. 
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for
Channel 9.

In the instance of rain, you should: 
a) never drive over 5 MPH. 
b) drive twice as fast as usual. 
c) you're not sure what "rain" is.

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week:
______.

Are you presently taking any of the following
medications? 
a) Prozac 
b) Zovirax 
c) Lithium 
d) Zanax 
e) Valium 
f) Zoloft 
g) All of the above 
h) None of the above 
*If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute: 
a) Less than 1 hour 
b) 1 hour 
c) 2 hours 
d) 3 hours 
e) 4 hours or more 
* If less than 1 hour, please
explain:____________________.

When stopped by police, you should: 
a) pull over and have your driver's license and
insurance form ready. 
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the
405 Freeway. 
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to
attack, thus 
ensuring 
yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

When turning, you should always signal your intentions
by: 
a) using your directional signals. 
b) what is a "directional signal"?

Which part of your car will wear out most often? 
a) the wiper blades 
b) the belts 
c) the horn

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for: 
a) dark, poorly lit roads 
b) flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the
way 
c) revenge!

Your rear view mirror is for: 
a) watching for approaching cars 
b) watching for approaching police cars 
c) checking your hair 
Try FREE Yahoo! Mail - the world's greatest free email!
http://mail.yahoo.com/

--
to be removed from alfa, see /bin/digest-subs.cgi
or email "unsubscribe alfa" to majordomo@domain.elided