Re: alfa-digest V7 #1269, Joe Carbacio (No flame)

[KDHX@domain.elided]

Joe,  I appreciate your efforts to get your point of view understood and to 
resolve the differences between you and Doug Sedon.  From the beginning, I 
thought you had some very valid points.  I'm newly back to Alfas, have never 
been to an event such as you described, but hope to as I get a car ready for 
such an event. The problems sound similar to any volunteer event whether it 
be a high school auction or the governing body of a not for profit 
organization, those I know about.  As in any classic misunderstanding,  
things start to go haywire when any of the participants assumes his point of 
view is THE point of view.  In my experience,  there is seldom anyone being 
devious  or deliberately malicious in a conflict.  Usually everyone is 
sincere and it is quite normal to have several sincere viewpoints that are 
different.   In my own job, I am often involved in negotiating these 
'difficult conversations' and at the outset I try to get those involved to 
understand that there are three viewpoints-their 'opposite' points of view 
and that of an independent observer and all three are valid.  IF  a person is 
CURIOUS about the other person's point of view the solution usually becomes 
evident with no one else needed to negotiate, as you and Doug probably 
discovered in your private conversation.  Quite often they end up supporting 
each other as they discover that the other person is as passionate about the 
issue as they are.  It seemed to me that you made some early assumptions 
based on past frustration and although understandable it never helps to start 
a discussion with a poke in the eye.   I hope to be asking the sorts of 
questions you described and see you at one of the events-it sounds like the 
sort of thing we would all have in common.
A parting thought-whenever I am personally involved in a tense discussion I 
try to remember Mark Twain's quote 'there's no one more dangerous than someone
sincerely wrong-he'll tell everyone and never stop'. And then I ask myself if 
I'm that someone.  Happy Racing.  
Tim Malaney 
St. Louis, Mo.
DuoDuettos

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