re: *WARNING NEW E-MAIL VIRUS*/Another truly insidious virus

["Michael J. Greto" <mjgreto@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL ENTITLED "BADTIMES", DELETE IT IMMEDIATELY!
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO OPEN OR READ IT.  This one is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.

It will drink all of your Rolling Rock.

It will reprogram your *sharked* DME back to stock.

It will forward all e-mail about your UUC activities to your significant
other.

It will also erase everything on your hard drive, and it will also delete
anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and
uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your
ice-cream melts and your milk curdles.

It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's
number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
company.

Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton
fuzz to migrate behind your ears.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine,
all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing
their hotel rendezvous to your AMEX card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that
is fun until someone loses an eye.

It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinnitus.

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive
tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the
interpretation of key sentences.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95 environment, it
will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
dangerously  close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.

It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell
like the B.O. of that gross person nobody liked in high school.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.

These are just a few signs of infection.

FORWARD THIS URGENT INFORMATION TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW IMMEDIATELY!!!

Michael Greto
BMW CCA-Everglades Chapter
'98 ///M Roadster
'98 Nissan Frontier (daily driver)
Many former Bimmers

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