this Alfa thing is a disease - or why an Alfa?

["Jorge Mazlumian" <jmazl@domain.elided>]

AlfaBill original question "why an Alfa" has promoted quite a bit of
writing, smiles and even tears.  Reading those posts - I hope they keep
coming - has been really gratifying.  It certainly has been mentioned that
there is something contagious about Alfas, since most of us have been stung
by the Alfa bug and have been infected by the Alfa virus, a highly
infective, contagious and self replicating microorganism.

Incubation period has been described as short as INSTANT, and as a long
dormant period until a second exposure sealed the fate of the host.
>From there, the course of the disease is variable.  In some cases, the host
and the virus can progress to a symbiotic status in which both can survive
and evolve.  In other cases, the replication of the virus in the host is so
aggressive and infective, that the host can suffer lethal, irreversible
damage, causing the host to lose other valuables, such as family - usually
the SO - and severe depletion in the bank/savings account, since there is no
insurance to protect the host.  This is specially serious when a college
fund or savings is tampered with.
Typical signs and symptoms include but are not limited to:
- - denial of disease and its negative effects in the host
- - paranoia (best, most beautiful, irreplaceable, fastest, etc.)
- - unrealistic ideation (ridiculous dyno results)
- - phobic behavior (keeps ignition keys in a safe at night, and at the bank
if for long periods)
- - manic-depressive behavior.  (high when driving, rock bottom when car in
shop)

Currently there are no blood or urine tests to diagnose this condition.
Preliminary results report a soft triangle/heart shaped lesion seen in the
brain of scanned individuals.  It is believed to be an acquired lesion and
not congenital.  Chromosome analyses promise, however, to show changes
consistent with an inherited condition: Chromosome pair number 4 had the
shape of a serpent, pair number 5 that of a cross.

I have seen other cases in which the virus leaves the host, leaving him/her
with a virus depletion condition leading to moderate to severe depression,
or even dementia.  It is also known as the  Alfa Withdrawal Syndrome, or
more secularly, just Alfaless.  However, this can be a temporary reversible
situation, which returns to the normal status once the virus returns to the
host, (such as getting your car back from the shop. :))
Treatment is only palliative, since there is no known cure.  Many
therapeutic modalities  have been tried, for the most part unsuccessfully.
The following is an incomplete list:
- - Threats of abandonment by the SO.
- - SO gets pregnant, AGAIN!
- - Trials with other brands of virus in an attempt to ameliorate symptoms.
Seldom - works, symptoms recur.
- - Law enforcement officials and other authorities threaten to remove driver
license.
- - Group therapy, such as Alfa gatherings, forums, and the Alfa Digest.

A group of subjects are being studied right now, who do not seem to show
signs of the disease in spite of repeated exposure.  It appears that if the
person is inoculated repeatedly since early infancy, further exposure does
not cause the appearance of the typical signs and symptoms.  These subjects
usually are born and grow up in Italy.  Further study is in progress with
adults.  I am volunteering for the next phase of such investigation.

Respectfully submitted
Jorge (current condition: stable;  prognosis: guarded)

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